Introspection
by TheAmazingT
Summary: Sometimes even the strongest, most stubborn of men have a breaking point. For one, a simple thought brings on a whirlwind of emotion. His mind snaps and the weight of upholding his image falls on top of him. Sometimes admittance is the best way to save
1. Fire and Ice

Hallo! This is just a short attempt to get into the mind of Jet Link. And to the administration (who are starting to annoy the hell out of me) I'm almost positive this does count as fanfiction. I don't recall any rules against introspection. SO TAKE THAT SUCKERS! YOU @#$%^&*$##$%^!!!!! *Apollo: Forgive her, she's just pissed at the administrators for severely cramping her style.* DAMN STRAIGHT!  
  
__________________________  
  
I hate you. You're a cold, emotionless bastard and everything you do and/or say gets on every one of my nerves. And yet you remain as empty as ever, your beautiful ice blue eyes a void of emotionless sorrow. A pit of despair that pulls me in and refuses to let go, drawing me into a soul of pain and torture, a frozen ice land compared to my own raging inferno. I can feel the anger boil up inside as you gaze at me like that; who gave you permission to look at me? I didn't, if I had my way I'd never look at you again.  
  
I feel sorry for you, though. You lost everything you ever had in the blink of an eye. I, on the other hand, had nothing to lose. Alone in a world where I was forced to look out for myself, all I had was the moment. I had to be strong, had take control of my own destiny, with no one to rely on but myself. Who else could I trust? I needed no one but it feels like ever since you came along something inside of me has changed, for better or for worse I can't tell, but it has. No matter what I hate you.  
  
Look at you, high and mighty behind your shield. I have a shield too, you know. Whose is stronger I've yet to find out, but I will someday. I'll break that shield with a sword of fire and then what'll you do? Will you break down and cry, or will you stand as proud and aloof as you do now? Why? Why don't you allow me access behind that shield? What are you so afraid of?  
  
I can't stand not knowing what's going through your head, with you it's like trying to read a foreign language! I'm not used to this kind of frustration, damn it! You make me want to scream and shout and all sorts of other things that I can't put into words. Everything I feel is like a volcano inside, just waiting to explode and unleash it's wrath across all those foolish enough to cross it's path. You make me feel so many things, and yet I can't tell you about any of them because I don't know how you'd react. I love you, I hate you, I can't stand you, I can't live without you, I worship you, I defy you; I feel so many things, all of it directed at you, only you, and always and forever you.  
  
You keep my mind off my own pain, distracting me with your frozen ways. But why'd it have to be you, of all people? You're so cold, it burns; like ice. I hate ice, it's just so cold and hard, it makes me feel helpless, like there's nothing I can do to break through.  
  
My head feels like it's going to explode. And it's all because of you. I love you. I don't understand why, but I do. I hate you. Everything about you sets me off, from your cold exterior to the warm heart I know that beats inside. Someday I'll break through, I don't know how or when, but I will. And finally, you'll see that somehow we belong together, like fire and ice. 


	2. Climbing Ivy

~*Climbing Ivy*~  
  
I've been called cold, emotionless, and aloof. I've been compared to ice more times than I care to keep track of. Unreachable, stoic, frozen, anything you can think of to describe an arctic wasteland, barren and uninhabitable. I've even been called empty before.  
  
Out of all the things I've been called, emotionless hurts me the most. I am not emotionless. I feel anger, hatred, pain, betrayal... love. I get frustrated, upset, scared, confused, hurt. Just because I don't show it doesn't mean I can't feel it.  
  
I can't show it. I'm too afraid to. There was a time I wore my heart on my sleeve and it almost killed me. No, not almost. It did kill me. I am no longer capable of love, or of any other emotion one would consider happy. I haven't truly been alive for a long time now. Why? Because of her...  
  
Hilda's death was too much. I'm a broken man now, with no real reason for living. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother... but then I see him. I see myself reflected in his deep eyes, the pain, the anger, the doubt... all of the confused emotions I feel inside myself.  
  
It's strange, I see myself in his eyes, but he isn't at all like me. He's too quick to act, easily angered, a bundle of nerves with a hair trigger waiting to be pulled. Incredibly outspoken and forward. Strong, whereas I am weak. So much stronger...  
  
~*~  
  
Albert stopped writing and curled up into himself. He couldn't bear it to think of him any longer, but he had so much to say about the flight-enabled cyborg. Like how his presence distracted him from his pain, his voice soothed him, and his will to survive was contagious. There was so much difference between them, but deep inside they were so much alike.  
  
He wasn't in love with Jet, he told himself, but he still needed him to survive. He thought of an ivy, and how the thin vine attached itself to a strong tree or building. It lived off the strength of another, just like he was doing with Jet.  
  
He smiled to himself. Yes, he needed Jet, but he did not love him. Not like he did Hilda, in any case. Jet was his tree, and he was climbing ivy.  
  
~fini~  
  
So there it is. Albert's little look inside. He refused to cooperate the way Jet did. ¬_¬ Thanks to Hiei-kun, Dark Zelda (whom I would like to not use Spanish in the review since I have NO idea what he/she/it/they are saying), lilanimefan1, and Strata. I also would like to thank Strata for agreeing with me (damn administrative bastards). 


	3. At The Breaking Point

**Warnings:** Jet starts out by talking about Albert. Acknowledged. He calls him beautiful. Also Acknowledged. He talks about love and holding Albert in his arms. So that must be the introspection must be shonen ai related, right? Wrong. It does have to be that way. There are many types of love. Just because he says he loves someone doesn't automatically mean that he wants to hop into bed and do the dirty thang with them. Not to say that it's _not_ shonen ai for the fans of it. It could be either way. I'm just saying take a minute and think about what he's saying, because it's true. I haven't made a single word up, it's all from him.par 

**Disclaimer:** I don't claim to own any part of Cyborg 009. Not Jet, not Albert, not the Plot, nothing. I barely own this fic.

**Reason: **You see I was watching my tapes (again) in an effort to overcome writers block. To be precise, I was watching Assasain of Flash and At the End of the Battle, when Jet started talking to me. It was like he was right there, spilling his guts to me; I could see it, I could hear it with perfect clarity as if I was there and it was real. I know it's impossible, but that's the way it felt. Whether or not you believe it is up to you, but I'm not going to take credit for this: Jet is.

At The Breaking Point.

He's in my dreams, you know? That beautiful, pale face of his regarding me with a look of love and affection. His smile comes easily then, not like in the waking world where the only smiles I see are either sad, or forced. I hate seeing him like that.

Then it makes me want to hold him. Just hold him in my arms and tell him that everything is all right, that he's safe, that nothing will ever hurt him anymore. I want to protect him. But I'm afraid of rejection and turn away, acting tough because everyone knows that I am.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm saying that I'm weak or soft or anything like that. I'm just saying that I'm not the insensitive **jerk** that eveyone takes me for. It pathetic and annoying, and god does it piss me off, that people don't even bother to look past the surface anymore. So I have a temper and some trust issues, I'm working on it, okay? No matter how grown up we all like to think I am, myself included, I'm _still_ just a kid. I still have a lot to learn and I'd like to do it my way, no matter how hard or painful it might be. It's a screwed up world, and I'm doing the best that I can. Heck, I'm far from perfect, nobody is, but people think that because I want to live my life on my terms that I'm an arrogant, stuck up, son of a bitch who doesn't need anyone to survive.

I know I act that way, and I may say it's true, but deep in my heart, I know that it's not true. I need someone, some_thing_, to hold onto, just like everyone else. I want to be just like everyone else. I want to destroy Black Ghost for taking the chance to _be_ like everyone else away from me. But I can't do it alone, and just knowing the fact that I have to rely on others scares me. What if they fail? What if they betray me? Who can I trust to be there whenever I need them? No one realises how frightening it is for some one who has spent their entire life relying on only one person, thmeselves, to have to trust their fate in complete strangers. Stranger who'll one day become their family.

Family. I never really knew what I was missing until I found them. My family. Joe and Pyunma, my brothers; Francie, my sister; Doc Gilmore, my father; and my uncles Chang, Gb and G Jr. And little Ivan, the baby. I love them all so much now. They're my family, all of them except for him, Albert.

It's not that I don't **love** Albert, because I do, it's just that it's not the same way. Our relationship seems to be on again, off again, never really staying the same long enough for me to figure it out. But sometimes I think he's the constant I need to make it through this sorry excuse of a life I'm living. He's alway there for me, even when we don't exactly see eye to eye. He always seems so calm, so selfassured, even in the heat of battle. And sometimes, I think he understands all the shit I'm going through. And I think that knowing that helps making it through times like these that much easier.

fini


End file.
